Alina (xbigbangx) wrote,

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[drabble] You'll Always Be My Favorite

Title: You'll always be my favorite
Genre: Angst?
Pairing(s): onsided!Tabiri, onesided!GRi, GDx?
Author: xbigbangx
Summary: Seungri can't bring himself love Seunghyun as much as he admires Jiyong.
A/N: For wickedlove13 because she kept on bitching whining about me writing something NON GTOP for once. Dunno how it turned out. Hope you like it bby. Not sure if it's ~angsty~ enough for you. ^^;;


You'll always be my favorite. Seungri would think every time he sets his gaze upon Jiyong. His favorite leader, hyung, person- favorite in every way he could think of. Even if he has Seunghyun, the man with his namesake, even if he's supposed to be in a relationship (if you could really call whatever it was they had a relationship), even if he's supposed to be in love with Seunghyun but really only sees Jiyong, Jiyong and Jiyong. No one else but Jiyong.

And every single time Jiyong steps into the room and his eyes immediately flick to his ever demanding attention of a presence, he can feel, hear, see the pain in Seunghyun's eyes. Because he's supposed to be in love with him, he is supposed to only look at him, he is supposed favor Seunghyun, not Jiyong.

But Seunghyun doesn't seem to understand the fact that he's always looked up toward Jiyong, always aspires to be like him. He always follows him like a shadow, always admires him for his charisma and personality and perseverance, always goofs off with him like they're the bestest estest buddies in the entire world. It's because Jiyong is so captivatingly interesting, beautiful, intriguing that Seungri thinks Jiyong is his favorite, always has and always will be. It's for this reason that Seungri can't bring himself to love Seunghyun as much as he admires Jiyong, can't bring himself to care as much about Seunghyun as he does when he's with Jiyong, can't seem to get over the awkwardness that falls between them unlike when he's with him, Jiyong, and he's gazing into those beautiful chocolate brown eyes that belong to his favorite person.

Don't get him wrong, he does care about Seunghyun, he really does. But for reasons unbeknownst to him, he can't seem to tear his eyes away from the bright light that is Jiyong. And he knows that every single time he stabs Seunghyun in the heart numerous times, makes him hurt in so many places that Seunghyun probably didn't even know existed. Seungri knows, can tell from the expression in his eyes, on his face and in his whole demeanor. But for some odd reason, although Seungri feels horrible about it, guilty and horrible, he can't bring himself to care all that much.

Seungri doesn't really want to do this to Seunghyun, he agreed to accept his feelings in hopes of forgetting about Jiyong, Jiyong who already has someone to love, Jiyong who is looking toward someone else. To learn to love Seunghyun hyung and have it feel like the most natural thing in the world.

But he just can't for some reason that has continuously eluded Seungri. And it makes him feel even worse for having to put Seunghyun through something so torturous. He feels like he doesn't deserve his hyung's love and unconditional affection, feels that he deserves so much better than his selfish heart, someone who can learn to love him far better than he himself is capable of, he who is chasing a hopeless love interest.

He's young and he's stupid, he knows, but the selfishness he feels in his heart, the longing he feels every time he sets his gaze upon Jiyong (it's always been Jiyong, always been about him and about being near him, seeing him, hearing him whenever he could), the constant tugging at his heart strings from both guilt and longing, it is so hard to ignore because he wants to be selfish. He wants to only think of himself and not care about anything but Jiyong and his attention. But he knows that's impossible because Jiyong is looking toward someone else, loves someone that's not him, and he cares about Seunghyun too, only not in the way that he wants him to. And again he can feel the guilt tugging at his heart.

He doesn't really know what to do to break this cycle of continuous torture for both of them, doesn't know why he doesn't even try to break this endless routine of pain for pain, but he does know one thing: Jiyong will always be his favorite.


Tags: drabble, fanfic: oneshot, genre: angst, gri, p: tabiri
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